Asshole

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Also known as Bum.

This is a slightly more complex game than the usual drinking game, but can be a load of fun when mastered. It requires a minimum of 5 people to play.

How to Play

The first hand of the game is the establishing hand, which is played to decide who is the President, Vice-President, Normal People, and the Asshole for the next round.

The dealer deals out the pack of cards so that each player has approximately 6 or 7 cards (this number will vary depending on the number playing). Aces are high, threes are low, and twos are wild.

The person left of the dealer goes first, and lays down any card or set of cards of the same value; for example, a single 4 or three 6s. The person to their left must lay down cards of greater value, and the same number of cards. This means that is three 6s were laid down, three 7s (or three 8s or higher) must be laid down. Four 7’s would not be allowed, it must be three. If the player cannot lay down any cards, they pass to the next person. They player may also choose to pass. Anyone who passes must drink.

A new hand starts when all players pass, or when someone plays a 2 (the most powerful card). The last person to play a card leads the next hand. This continues until all players are rid of their cards. The first player to get rid of all their cards is the President for the next round, the next out becomes the Vice-President, the next players out are normal, and the last two people out are the Vice-Asshole and Asshole for the second-last and last person respectively.

The roles for each player are as follows:

President

  • The President is the first player to start each round.
  • This player can make any player drink at any time; no-one may make the President drink but themselves.
  • The President should never have to refill their own beer.

Vice President

  • The Vice President goes second in each round.
  • The Vice President can make any player drink at any time (except the President); only the President or VP can make the VP drink.

Normal People

  • Normal people play in the order they finished the previous round; first normal out follows the VP, second normal out follows first, etc.
  • Normal people can make each other drink as well as the Asshole and Vice-Asshole.

Vice-Asshole

  • The Vice-Asshole plays after the last normal person.
  • The Vice-Asshole can only make themselves and the Asshole drink.

Asshole

  • The Asshole plays last in each round.
  • The Asshole must fill anyone’s glass that requests it, and must always fill the President’s glass.
  • The Asshole can not make any other player drink.

The Asshole has to do all dealing of cards and all sweeping of cards after the hands. If anyone else touches the pile of cards during play, they automatically switch ranks with the Asshole. When the Asshole clears the pile in order for play to start again, they must do this as quickly as possible; if they do it too slowly anybody can tell the Asshole to drink because he cleared it too slowly. Of course even if the Asshole clears the pile like greased lightning, everyone can still make him drink for clearing too slowly.

Continuing Play

Once ranks are established, the players should move seats in order to reflect the hierarchy, and proper playing order. After all the cards have been re-dealt, the Asshole must give the President their 2 best cards, and the President gives the Asshole their 2 worst cards. The Vice-President and Vice-Asshole also switch worst and best cards, but only 1 each. If either is caught not giving their absolute lowest or highest card (for example, if this means breaking up a pair of threes if you are the President) they are automatic Asshole for the next hand.

Play begins again and continues until everyone has thrown all of their cards and the hierarchy is established for the next hand.

Before the hand starts, someone must give the President a toast (this is an opportune time to kiss-ass to the President). If no toast is presented, the President can give out their own punishment.

Drinking Rules

There are very few instances in this game in which you don’t drink, depending on how much of a bastard you are and the vindictive qualities of the friends you are playing with. But here are the times when drinking is mandatory:

  • Whenever you pass (i.e. decide not to throw a card) you must take a generous sip.
  • Whenever a three of a kind is on the table (can be the result of three singles of the same value, to triples) everyone playing must take a generous sip.
  • Whenever the President calls a board meeting. Everyone starts drinking and is not allowed to stop drinking until the person above them stops drinking (i.e. the Vice President cannot stop until the President stops, and so on).

You can tell anybody below you to drink for any reason at anytime. For example, if they said something stupid, if you don’t like the card they threw, etc. The Asshole cannot tell anybody to drink, but everybody else can tell them to.

Nobody can make anybody drink after they have got rid of all their cards. Additionally nobody can make anybody drink between rounds.

Other Rules

A player may not leave the game unless they are President. You should consider yourself a captive of the game once play commences. If you are lower than President and want to leave the game… tough.

If you are President for 3 consecutive rounds, you can make a rule. You may use your imagination to the best of your ability in order to come up with some good stuff.

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